I am a natural people pleaser. I will bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable long before I stop to consider my own needs. It is just the way I am, it is what makes me happy and I cannot help myself. This has been good and bad throughout my life. Finding that balance between giving and receiving is incredibly important and also ridiculously hard to accomplish. I have been trying to do this in my life for the last seven years. But I dare you to try the balance in your life and see just how much things change for the better. Mine sure did.
I am independent, loyal, self-sufficient, smart, realistic, self-assured, committed, responsible, and many other wonderful things. I treat my family well and I always think of their needs before my own. I am a good person and I make as many good decisions as I can. The person that loves all of this about me and doesn’t take offense to my bold attitude and independence, they are deserving of all of me. No one else.
There is a huge difference between wanting someone and needing them. I am proud to say that I don’t need anyone, the people I keep close to me provide a wonderful balance of respect and care that I reciprocate.
I do not beg for love and affection. I do not beg for commitment and loyalty. They are to be given freely and without ultimatums. Bringing up commitment in conversation is a good thing to do, but if the other person starts talking like they are doing you some sort of favor, walk away.
Never, ever, take anything less than you deserve. Never settle for what you feel you could live with.
I am not talking about vanity or landing some Grecian god or goddess here, you must see past physical attributes. This kind of thing is beyond that petty shit. It is your soul that has to connect, it has to flow and it has to make you feel complete. It has nothing to do with what society tells you to have. It has nothing to do with keeping someone around for ornamental purposes.
Is your significant other even capable of owning up to responsibilities? Will they fight it and make your life a living hell, while you have to fix everything under the sun?
Just think about it. Being in a long term relationship means always thinking the best of each other, in every circumstance, and always forgiving them for making normal human mistakes. If your other-half can’t do that for you, how are they deserving of that in return?
Can the person you love, be capable of loving your children? Can the person you love be a ‘Bonus-Mom’ or ‘Bonus-Dad’ to your child? Do they consider you a part their family? Or do they speak of their parents as their family, but disregard you as a factor in the equation?
Change your thought process when questioning relationships; don’t ask if you deserve to be treated fairly; of course you do! Ask if they are deserving of the amazing love that you give. Don’t ask if you will ever get married; ask if your significant other will be able to rise to the challenge. Have they earned you? Have they listened to your feelings? Have they changed their behavior instead of simply apologizing and continuing a pattern? Have they made an active effort to better the relationship? Do they tell you when they appreciate the things you do? Or do they expect you to give always, but they never have to? Take these thoughts into consideration.
It took me many years to find my worth. It took my care-giver nature to be abused before I found my worth. To this day I still question whether or not I am being taken advantage of, it is something that will need to be addressed on occasion. I have this strength in making people feel comfortable around me, which can backfire on occasion. Lovers become too comfortable and don’t understand why anything more could possibly be needed. Friends don’t consider my feelings when saying certain things because I am far too polite to voice them. I want people to feel safe around me; I want to be the one that others look to for love and support. But sometimes people get used to that dynamic and forget that I am a person too.
The quote by Robin Williams that really stands out to me is, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” My point is that I tell you all this from experience, I give what I need in return. I give without entitlement or greed, that way I know in my heart that the world has one more positive ripple of energy.
I will tell my loved ones how much I care for them every single day if I have to. But I will be damned if I go another second without that same care given in return. I express this to you all in hopes that I can also bring your worth to light. If you struggle with self-worth like majority of the population, I want you to know that you are worth it. Scream it proudly from the top of buildings. When some douchebag tries to “bring you down a notch” or get you to “tone it down”, don’t listen. Tell them straight up that you are worth the trouble and people will love you anyways. Don’t dim your light in order to let others shine brighter.
Go with light and love.