I am a natural people pleaser. I will bend over backwards to make sure everyone is comfortable long before I stop to consider my own needs. It is just the way I am, it is what makes me happy and I cannot help myself. This has been good and bad throughout my life. Finding that balance between giving and receiving is incredibly important and also ridiculously hard to accomplish. I have been trying to do this in my life for the last seven years. But I dare you to try the balance in your life and see just how much things change for the better. Mine sure did.

I am independent, loyal, self-sufficient, smart, realistic, self-assured, committed, responsible, and many other wonderful things. I treat my family well and I always think of their needs before my own. I am a good person and I make as many good decisions as I can. The person that loves all of this about me and doesn’t take offense to my bold attitude and independence, they are deserving of all of me. No one else.

There is a huge difference between wanting someone and needing them. I am proud to say that I don’t need anyone, the people I keep close to me provide a wonderful balance of respect and care that I reciprocate.

I do not beg for love and affection. I do not beg for commitment and loyalty. They are to be given freely and without ultimatums. Bringing up commitment in conversation is a good thing to do, but if the other person starts talking like they are doing you some sort of favor, walk away.

Never, ever, take anything less than you deserve. Never settle for what you feel you could live with.

I am not talking about vanity or landing some Grecian god or goddess here, you must see past physical attributes. This kind of thing is beyond that petty shit. It is your soul that has to connect, it has to flow and it has to make you feel complete. It has nothing to do with what society tells you to have. It has nothing to do with keeping someone around for ornamental purposes.

Is your significant other even capable of owning up to responsibilities? Will they fight it and make your life a living hell, while you have to fix everything under the sun?

Just think about it. Being in a long term relationship means always thinking the best of each other, in every circumstance, and always forgiving them for making normal human mistakes. If your other-half can’t do that for you, how are they deserving of that in return?

Can the person you love, be capable of loving your children? Can the person you love be a ‘Bonus-Mom’ or ‘Bonus-Dad’ to your child? Do they consider you a part their family? Or do they speak of their parents as their family, but disregard you as a factor in the equation?

Change your thought process when questioning relationships; don’t ask if you deserve to be treated fairly; of course you do! Ask if they are deserving of the amazing love that you give. Don’t ask if you will ever get married; ask if your significant other will be able to rise to the challenge. Have they earned you? Have they listened to your feelings? Have they changed their behavior instead of simply apologizing and continuing a pattern? Have they made an active effort to better the relationship? Do they tell you when they appreciate the things you do? Or do they expect you to give always, but they never have to? Take these thoughts into consideration.

It took me many years to find my worth. It took my care-giver nature to be abused before I found my worth. To this day I still question whether or not I am being taken advantage of, it is something that will need to be addressed on occasion. I have this strength in making people feel comfortable around me, which can backfire on occasion. Lovers become too comfortable and don’t understand why anything more could possibly be needed. Friends don’t consider my feelings when saying certain things because I am far too polite to voice them. I want people to feel safe around me; I want to be the one that others look to for love and support. But sometimes people get used to that dynamic and forget that I am a person too.

The quote by Robin Williams that really stands out to me is, “I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it’s like to feel absolutely worthless and they don’t want anyone else to feel like that.” My point is that I tell you all this from experience, I give what I need in return. I give without entitlement or greed, that way I know in my heart that the world has one more positive ripple of energy.

I will tell my loved ones how much I care for them every single day if I have to. But I will be damned if I go another second without that same care given in return. I express this to you all in hopes that I can also bring your worth to light. If you struggle with self-worth like majority of the population, I want you to know that you are worth it. Scream it proudly from the top of buildings. When some douchebag tries to “bring you down a notch” or get you to “tone it down”, don’t listen. Tell them straight up that you are worth the trouble and people will love you anyways. Don’t dim your light in order to let others shine brighter.

Go with light and love.

 

We all have a hard time talking about our job life because it is our livelihood. It is how we make our living in order to support our family and lifestyle. If you are anything like me and followed a profession that was available to you at the time, simply to make ends meet, then keep up the good fight. Especially since most of us in one way or another have to hide who we are in order to present ourselves in a certain professional light.

I was taught from a young age to adapt to societies expectations, and while I did learn a lot of valuable things from that, I find that it makes me feel hollow in a lot of ways. As I have gotten older I have found a wonderful balance between the two lives.

Psychics oftentimes have to hide who they are in order to assimilate into a professional culture. Some may seem to think that this is not that big of a deal and in some ways everyone has to hide a bit of themselves in day-to-day life. To a psychic, living like this robs you of your true self, and can often drain your energy to bare nothings.

If you are lucky enough (and strong enough) to live your life in the open, I applaud your ability to stay true to yourself. I, myself, am still working up to that goal. It is close for me, but this blog was the first step towards that outward lifestyle.

Needless to say, when your job life starts getting bad after all the sacrifices you make to adhere to society’s expectations, you start to wonder why you sacrificed yourself in the first place. Was it all really worth it? In my case, I do know it was worth it, because I did what I did for my child. I would never take that back, BUT I still have those feelings lingering. Did I really need to sacrifice so much of my energy and soul into this? What was done is done, so there is no need to get too hung up on the decisions of the past.

The fact is, I have found myself at a fork in the road – career wise. My decisions, now that I am older and wiser, have much more diversity. I don’t necessarily need to live a double life anymore. That is where I currently stand; trying to weigh my decisions and figure out what I want to do with my life. No pressure or anything! (sarcasm)

Having a situation like this is often a blessing in disguise. Regardless how you found yourself forced into rethinking your career path, it is an opportunity to find a different and maybe even better life path. The connections you make could result in paths you never thought possible. You may discover that it was just what you needed – a firm kick in the ass to force you out of your routine. Change may be hard, but without change nothing good will ever happen.

Good luck to everyone out there going through similar situations.

Go with light and love.

Being a psychic is much like being a time traveler in a sense. You see beginnings and endings that you have no control over. Most of the things you see and experience, you have no way of intervening or fixing. To feel utter helplessness in things you cannot change can drive you mad if you don’t find a positive focus to concentrate your energies on.

Not a lot of people understand what it feels like and believe me, that is ok. I wouldn’t want to put this hardship on anyone if I had the choice. I also wouldn’t give my abilities back if I had a choice either, so what does that say about me?

Being a psychic is draining. Mentally, physically, and emotionally. There is nothing you can do to prepare for the life you will live on a day to day basis. It is hard, it is lonely, and it is taxing on your health.

Sometimes I go through periods of optimistic hope and absolute awe of what the world holds. Then other times I feel nothing but the need to retreat and sleep for days. It weighs on you, but I take pride in the fact that I have never let it take over my obligations.

If you have not yet seen the movie “The Time Traveler’s Wife”, you may want to at some point. The struggles that “Henry” goes through are incredibly similar to what it is like being a psychic. The difference being that psychics don’t actually travel to different times, we simply glimpse it randomly. The confusion and odd facts that are gathered during the glimpse’ are quite similar. The story line itself doesn’t match mine in any way, but the way Henry comes and goes without control is generally the closest I can describe to my experiences.

Everything I see is out of context. For example, just imagine; you see the face of your own baby, years before you are even capable of thinking about being a parent. Arguments are pointless when you know that the relationship gets past it anyway. Holding on to a friendship longer than you should because you see that it is slowly drifting away, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Seeing a loving marriage with someone, but knowing you can’t take away their free will, so you just have to be patient. Hearing car accidents in your sleep, and wondering when and where it will play out. Having to let your pride go when you held on to a decision too long, because you didn’t want to admit that you knew it wasn’t going to work out. Talk about a mind-fuck.

When I tell you about the conscious effort I make daily to think positively, it is not as simple as it sounds. To let the past go, to forgive myself, and to choose happiness takes a strong will and endless amounts of moral fortitude. I’m not trying to get praise or to tell you all how strong I am, I am trying to give you all a perspective of the darkness that comes with everyone’s different situations. This one being mine.

We all have dark times; just know that the good times are worth fighting for.

Projects that help you focus:

• Manual labor – because you see the results when done
• Meditation – a little inner peace never hurt anyone
• Reading – find what you love to learn about and just learn the shit
• Art – paint, make jewelry, pottery, metal working, wood working, glass blowing
• Exercise – get off your ass and go for a walk
• Nap – being well rested is good for you
• Take care of something – whatever you choose, just make sure you put that thing first, always, and be consistent
• Say something real once a day – tell someone the truth now and again, put yourself out there, you might be surprised by the positive response you get
• Do something scary – do something that frightens you every few months or so, don’t let yourself hold you back

Go with light and love.

 

I have spent majority of my life living in secret. From a very young age I observed what happened to people throughout history that had been perceived as different by society. I worked every moment of every day to meticulously maintain an exterior of normalcy. As I became an adult, it was easy to assimilate to the norm taught to us.

Until one day I didn’t want to live in someone else’s ‘normal’ anymore.

I always thought that if you follow the rules you get your happiness. It is awarded to you through hard work and others acceptance of you. The ironic thing was, the more I tried to fit in, the less happy I became. One day I looked around and wondered how I had created this life. How had I actively made all these decisions and choices that somehow led me further and further away from joy?

It started as a slow process, noticing small compromises here and there. I chose things to make others happy with the precise assumption that one day I would get my turn. But guess what? I never got my turn. There was no one tallying up the points. No one to say, “Ok Hun, after Bobby goes, it is your turn.” Life just doesn’t work that way.

One day I got impatient and I asked myself, “Why can’t I just be happy now?” I had no answer – except the realization that happiness isn’t something you earn, it is something you create.

The moment I chose happiness was the day that everything started falling together. I joined groups, I got hobbies, I started taking classes, and I made decisions that would make me happy. Weird things started immediately happening in my life. The good stuff became better and the bad stuff became intolerable. I started cutting off things that only gave me sadness and guilt. I started focusing on things that made me feel whole. My heart grew and I saw the value in myself where no one else had before.

I even met the love of my life. He had been there the whole time, but in my need to please everyone but myself, I had never noticed. I had found myself; and in my worth, I found the person that loves who I really am.

Now, on the downside, when I finally spoke out about being a psychic, some people turned mean. They looked at me with a confusion that made me understand why I had hidden in the shadows for so long. This obviously did not slow me down. I had finally found my happy place and I wasn’t turning back for anything. What I didn’t realize was the look of hate on their faces wasn’t actually hate at all.

People fear what they do not understand. If they don’t have an opening in their reality for something like this, the only place to file it is under “FEAR IT”. Fear is natural and understandable. It is a defense mechanism and a survival trait, much like “fight or flight”. It is the brain processing new information and trying to sort it into its proper place. Suddenly having to reassess someone’s threat to you is hard and it takes time.

Like I said though, none of this will ever slow me down. It may have taken 32 years to admit what I am, but now that I have, there is no turning back. Majority have embraced this new category of human I fit into, and I will always be thankful for that. As for the people that needed time, I don’t blame you.

I just want you all to know that I am here for you. Psychics are people – normal, awkward people. I would never do anything to harm you or to make you uncomfortable (at least not intentionally). I have a huge heart and want to help everyone as much as I can. I don’t have a game or an ulterior motive; I have nothing to gain by labeling myself as a psychic.

If we all fear what we don’t understand, then come to me for understanding. Ask questions with an open heart and I will dispel your fears.

Go with light and love.

 

I mentioned shadow people in a past blog entry and have since been asked some questions about it. I hope to clear some of the questions up here.

Shadow people are black massed spirits that have no soul. Different religions have called them all sorts of names, such as; Phantom, Specter, Demon, Succubus, etc. They are all a gathering of negative energy that accumulates into a figure somewhat similar to a human-like being. They are made from negative energy such as; fear, self-hatred, abuse, loss, denial, weakness, and unmanaged depression. All of these, over a long period of time, can manifest into these dark beings.

Shadow people do not appear out of thin air. It takes years of constant negativity for these to begin to develop. When the energies are not released in a proper way they accumulate with nowhere to go. They are a product of what happens if we don’t take care of ourselves properly.

We, as people, are energy conductors. We raise and collect energy within us, whether you realize it or not. Our energies can influence our surroundings, our life, our body, our relationships, and our soul.

The reassuring thing about shadow people is that they need negativity to survive. If the surrounding environment doesn’t feed that need, they cannot continue to be. Therefore, love, understanding, acceptance, and peace being returned to a space can rid the area of shadow people by taking away its source of energy.

Sometimes, very rarely, there can be a shadow person attached to a location. That would mean that there had to be continuous negative emotions attached to that specific area. Sites that have had horrible events happen repeatedly over generations are most susceptible. The most common places are former battle fields, sites of horrible tragedies, and war zones.

Now, my opinion on them: I hardly see them and that is on purpose. They don’t come near me because I put up a pretty strong “Do Not Fuck with Me” vibe. As it is, shadow people tend to try and avoid people in general. That is why you see them out of the corner of your eyes one moment and the next they are gone. The theory is that they are more scared of you than you are of them. If you don’t want them near you, tell them to get the fuck out. Strength and self-assuredness freaks out negative spirits and send them running for the hills. You always have a choice, simply standing your ground in your space and saying ‘leave me alone’ goes a long way with spirits and energies.

Most of you will be able to sense when a shadow person is close. Majority of the time, when you walk into a house that just doesn’t feel right, it is because of that. The lingering negative energies have started to manifest into a being. If the house is worth it to you, it can be taken back with time and positivity. You must be very strong in your positivity and your ability to keep your hope alive. Otherwise the shadow person could affect you by breaking down your physical health and making you susceptible to depression and mental instability.

Shadow people are in essence like being in an abusive relationship. No matter what you do, it will bring you down, it will make you feel lesser, and it will strip you of your hope. It leaves you as a mess of a person that has no choice but to live a life as a human battery for this nasty energy parasite.

The only way to combat that type of environment is to know your worth. Living a positive life with happiness and self-love is the best way to accomplish that.

Go with light and love.