The funny thing about life is that it only gives you what you should have at that moment. It doesn’t matter how much you know will happen, it will still take its time and happen when you least expect it.
I met my husband several times in casual settings over a span of several years. He was there, just waiting to be found, and there I was lost in my world of trying to be everything for everyone. In my defense, I still had a lot of ‘fixing’ to do for myself at that time. I had gotten used to putting my own needs aside in order to focus everything on my child, who deserved my utmost attention of course. But as my child grew and became more independent, the option of putting more time on myself came into fruition. I, stupidly, wanted someone to help me find meaning for myself again. As I am sure you all know too well, you can only give yourself meaning, no one could ever do it for you.
I meditated and studied, I forgave myself and healed, I put myself at a higher priority and learned self-care. My confidence rose, my stubbornness became more prevalent, and I began to realize I was not as wrong as I was told I was. Learning to trust yourself is very hard to do, but if you are consistent in it, you can essentially retrain your brain for the positive.
This well known quote says it perfectly; “Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.”
Fast forward to me fixing my shit. I had decided that the only person limiting myself of finding “the one” was my inability to put myself out there. I literally made that realization a little over two weeks before the BBQ I attended, in which I gave my future spouse my number.
Now, I feel the need to note before I move on, that I had been having prophetic dreams for years up until this point. But even the most seasoned of psychics will tell you that not everything makes sense until it all comes together. That usually tends to happen in wonderful “ah-ha” moments of hindsight. Convenient, right? …I know, it drives me nuts too.
These dreams were always involving a man looking just like my spouse in stature, but slightly blurry in the face. The dreams stuck out to me because of how caring he was and how he treated me. In the insanity realm of dreams, so many things can go wrong, but no matter what happened he persisted with strength and patience. He was kind, he saw me for who I am, and he never turned away.
I knew on the very first date that he was “the one”. I told him everything about myself as bluntly as possible. He knew I was a single parent already, but what he didn’t know was that I am a psychic. I was going through course studies to become a priestess and an ordained minister. I told him about my continuing struggle with anxiety and my battle with PTSD from an abusive past, I told him that I was a work in progress, but I don’t take charity or pity. I told him that I am incredibly stubborn, weird, and obnoxious as all hell. He just nodded, saying nothing, until I had finished the worst sales pitch in the entire world. I concluded that I do not put up with bullshit and I don’t tolerate passive aggressiveness, be honest with me and I will always do the same for you.
He patiently waited until I was finished, then smiled and said, “Awesome. My mom’s house is haunted.”
Best. Response. Ever. He believed me, right from the beginning. As a person that has been continuously taught to doubt herself, having someone never question your knowledge was something special.
I will tell you, having knowledge of the course of our relationship did not make dating any easier. Free will is always present and sometimes people get scared when things get a bit too real. Psychics don’t always know specific timelines either. For example, I could know that we will be married, but not know if it is within the next 3 years or within the next 20 years. Things happen and life is annoying like that sometimes. BUT, did I mention that I am stubborn? Yeah, well, I wasn’t walking away from this, so our life path was going to stay on track, especially if I had anything to say about it (which I regularly do). All those little hurdles that you encounter in relationships, we powered through them, and we got here.
It wasn’t always easy though, I don’t do well with anticipation. I like things blunt and apparent, that way I can fix what needs to be, and address everything else until both parties are satisfied. This was not one of those cases, my spouse had every right to take his time and make his decisions at his own pace. One day I was having a particularly hard time with it, I described that being a psychic and being in a lasting relationship was like the movie, “The Time Travelers Wife”. Except I play the role as the time traveler. Life gets super confusing when you see an event happening but do not see how or when it occurs.
Now, if I were to take all that I have just said and wrap it up in a nice bow, my simple answer would be, my soul recognized his kindness. For the first time in my life my heart, my head, and my soul all agreed.